I’ve been single for almost 4 years now. Crazy right? Some kid has almost completed his or her whole entire high school career while I’ve managed not to get a man. As you can imagine this is not a topic I want to talk about but it’s my life so let’s dig in a little.
Relationships. I haven’t always felt the need to be in one. Of course I’ve always WANTED to be in a relationship but those wants didn’t really always transfer into needs for me. It wasn’t anything personal or like I was planning it. I’ve just always known if I didn’t fully love myself it would be hard to love others with insecurities and what not. So I remained single. Now that I’m learning to love myself way more than I ever have, I’ve learned that I don’t want to settle AT ALL. Even if that means being single a little longer. This past year I felt pretty close to being in a relationship. I won’t get too much into it but there were moments when I literally had to stop and have a conversation with myself and say, “Hey if you tolerate this you’re not showing yourself love. You’re valuing him, more than you”. This would be stuff like consistently not answering my calls. I’m not a crazy caller but if I feel like I hear your voicemail more than your voice, I think that says something. This would be not making plans or worse, making plans and then flaking. This was a lot of things. This was me saying yes to every little thing I was invited to, but then realizing the same wasn’t being reciprocated. This was always being available on his time. This was ignoring that little gut feeling that said something don’t feel right. This was many things and more.
At one point I realized I don’t want to tolerate this anymore. So I finally listened to that little gut feeling and said, enough is enough I choose me. It was hard, IT’S BEEN HARD, choosing me. You don’t get that comfort anymore, you gotta start over new. But you feel good. You feel like a boss. And you realize, nobody can make you feel better or worse, than you.
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