When I was 23 years old I purchased my first condo. It was a pretty surreal experience. A little after one year of graduating college I owned a piece of property and started having mortgage payments. Mostly everyone my age talked about rent. I was different. I remember when the day the deal closed I was driving to my place from my grandparents house. I was too excited but also felt this huge feeling of sadness. I wanted to share my accomplishments with my friends but I didn’t want to seem like I was bragging. I wanted to be relatable but I wasn’t. So I cried. I vividly remember crying. As the year went on I began to feel happier that I didn’t share with everyone (the internet) that I had purchased a condo. I was happy because I felt so much pressure that I wasn’t sure I could live up to. Pressure to make enough money to cover the payments. Pressure to stay at the job that was affording me the ability to have enough money to cover the payments. There came a point when I realized the mortgage and the money wasn’t worth it. I’d be fine with losing it all just in order to feel happy and have purpose again.
So after I quit my job I had savings, but a huge unexpected tax bill came in the mail, that completely through me and my savings off guard. Being unemployed with huge bills birthed another feeling of anxiety. This anxiety was different because the main thing driving this anxiety was the fear of losing everything and looking like a failure to everyone. I didn’t want to be the one who tried and lost it all. So I prayed. Daily. Every day I prayed. And every day I woke up thankful to have another opportunity to apply for a job or make some sales in order to keep my home. I also prayed for the humility to be able to ask for help, which I needed at a time. It’s crazy what happens when you fully submit to God. Your biggest fears play out to be just fears, that’s it. My fear of losing my house turned out to be just a fear because the month when I was starting to steadily decrease in my finances and mental strength, God came through. He always does. We just have to submit.
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